you know you're getting old when

everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work

the gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focal

your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

your children begin to look middle-aged

you join a health club to sit and watch people sweat

you are starting to feel that you've outlived enthusiasm

you feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere

you decide to procrastinate, but never get around to it

you bend over to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there

your mind makes contracts that your body is unable to keep

a dripping faucet gives you an uncontrollable bladder urge

you know all the answers, but keep forgetting the questions

you look forward to a quiet dull evening

you walk around with your head held high but it's only to get used to your new bi-focal

you turn the lights out for economic rather than romantic reasons

you sit in a rocking chair, but can't get it started

your knees buckle but your belt won't

you regret all those mistakes you should have made

after painting the town red, you need to take a long rest before applying the second coat

you feel like you're burning the midnight oil when you stay awake after 7 pm

your back goes out more than you do

the little gray haired person you helped across the street was your significant other

a fortune teller shakes your hand and offers to read your face

you sink your teeth into a juicy steak and they stay there

ah, to be young again!