The Cat and Duck Method
1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor. Because a cat always remains
upright, it can be used instead of the artificial horizon. Simply
watch which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low, and if
so, which one.
2. The duck is used for the instrument approach. Because any sensible
duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only
necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane and follow it to the
ground.
Limitations to the Cat and Duck Method
1. Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats don't want to stand up at all. It
may be necessary to carry a large dog in the cockpit to make the cat
pay attention.
2. Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats spend all their time
washing. Trying to follow a washing cat usually results in a snap
roll followed by an inverted spin.
3. Use an old cat. Young cats still have many of their nine lives left,
but an old cat has just as much to lose as you do and will be more
dependable.
4. Avoid cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers you are using the cat to
keep the wings level, it may refuse to leave without the cat. Ducks
are no better in IMC than you are.
5. Make sure your duck has good eyesight. Nearsighted ducks may fail to
realize they are on the gauges and go flailing off into the nearest
mountain. Very nearsighted ducks may not realize they have been
thrown from the plane and will descend to the ground in a sitting
position. This is very difficult to follow in an airplane.
6. Use land-loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break out and find
yourself on final to a rice paddy, especially if there are duck
hunters around. Duck hunters suffer from temporary insanity after
sitting in freezing blinds and will shoot at anything that flies.
7. Finally, choose your duck carefully. It's easy to confuse ducks with
geese because many waterfowl look alike. Geese are competent
instrument fliers, but they seldom go where you want them to. If
your duck sets off for Canada or Mexico, you can be sure you've been
given the goose.
INDUSTRY HIGHLIGHTS Dutch aviation authorities impounded a 24-year old B707 freighter from Nigerian All Cargo Airplanes just prior to departure. The plane had the captain's seat tied to the floor with rope, no seat belts, no tie-downs or latches for cargo pallets, the cargo door secured with wire, slats and flaps not working, cracks in the engine cowling and structural damage to the tail which occurred every time they took off and the load shifted back, forcing the tail to scrape the runway. Dutch authorities are forcing the owner to demolish the aircraft on the spot. "We understand the crew was stunned, as they had never had a problem and had passed all inspections in Nigeria," authorities were quoted as saying. From an Air Freight newsletter.
Boy 13, survives flight in wheel well of jet A 13-year-old boy stowed away early Friday in the wheel well of a Colombian cargo jet, and survived subzero temperatures on a three-hour flight, across the Caribbean Sea. Guillermo Rosales was unconscious when he tumbled out of the DC-8 in Miami after his 1000 flight from Bogota at 35,000 feet. He was in a ball and covered in frost, said Miami employees of the cargo company, Arca. "He definitely should have died," mechanic Richard Ungerer said. "The wheel coming up could have crushed him, there's lack of oxygen at that altitude, and it had to be 20 or 30 degrees below zero." Rosales was in good condition after a short visit to Pan American Hospital, said George Waldroup, spokesman for the Immigration and Naturalization Service which took custody of the boy.
Crew grabs him by ankles at 23,000 feet. By Sheila Rule, The New York Times
LONDON - The pilot of a passenger plane was sucked out of the cabin window onto the nose cone of the jet Sunday after its windshield blew out at 23,000 feet. But he was saved by crew members who clung to his ankles for 15 minutes until the copilot landed the plane safely in southern England.
Several of the aircraft's 81 passengers, said they had watched in horror as crew members frantically wrestled to pull Capt. Timothy Lancaster back into the cockpit. The plane went into a dive, but with half of Lancaster's body hanging outside, the copilot flew the aircraft to Southampton Airport, 70 miles southwest of London.
The Civil Aviation Authority immediately announced an investigation into the incident, which police said began 20 minutes into British Airways Flight 5390 from Birmingham, England, to Malaga in Spain.
Lancaster, 41, a pilot for 21 years, was taken to Southampton General Hospital suffering from shock, a fractured elbow, wrist and thumb, and frostbite on one hand. The police said all the crew members were taken to the hospital and that four passengers were treated for shock. Everyone except the captain was later released.
Another plane was sent to Southampton to take the passengers on to Malaga. All except seven continued their journey.
Passengers said the aircraft, a BAC 1-11, was gaining altitude over southern England when they heard an explosion as the left windshield and left side window blew out. The windshield later was found in Didcot, Oxfordshire.
"I could see a body hanging out of the window, with two men and a woman hanging onto him," one passenger, Margaret Simmonds told the Press Association, Britain's domestic news agency. "They were trying to stop him being sucked out.".
Chris Opie, another passenger told the agency: "There seemed to be some smoke immediately after the bang and suddenly there was sheer panic. An air hostess standing near us at the back of the plane started to cry. I thought we were going to crash and began praying. My girlfriend, Nichola, who was sitting next to me, was crying, and hugging our son, James.
"Then one of the men on the flight deck came onto the loudspeaker announcement radio and said the windscreen had blown out and warned us to prepare for an emergency landing."
The air pressure dropped dramatically and the sudden decompression sucked Lancaster, who was wearing a lap belt but not a shoulder harness, out of his seat belt and into the hole left by the windshield. His clothes were ripped from his body by the slipstream, police said.
The Press Association said the window had been replaced Friday in a routine maintenance check.
The copilot, Alistair Atcheson, 39, put on an oxygen mask and flew the plane, as a steward, Nigel Ogden, who was also on the flight deck, grabbed the captain's legs and clung to a chair. Another steward, Simon Rogers, rushed onto the flight deck, strapped himself into the pilot's seat and relieved Ogden who had gashed his hand trying to save the captain.
Helped by other crew members, Rogers clung to the captain until the aircraft landed. Other crew members calmed passengers and told them to fasten their seatbelts.
Seconds after the 18-year-old plane taxied to a halt, passengers left the aircraft by emergency chutes, while firefighters worked from outside and pulled the captain clear. As the plane stood on the tarmac, bloodstains could reportedly be seen in the cockpit and pieces of clothing flapped from the broken window.
A British Airways spokesman said Lancaster owed his life to quick thinking by the crew.
"The crew were tremendous," spokesman Anthony Cocklin said "We have nothing but praise for them. It was a tremendous example of alertness and we are very proud of them."
A spokesman for the British Air Line Pilots' Association told the Press Association that the incident: was "a freak occurrence which will not unduly worry cockpit crews."
The spokesman, Freddy Yetman, the association's technical secretary, said that aircraft windshields contained tremendously strong, toughened glass. He said he did not think there would need to be a complete re-examination of windshields.
"The BAC 1-11 is one of the strongest aircraft in existence;" Yetman said. "It is tremendously robust. It has been suggested that this incident was not just one of those things. But I disagree. It was a freaky thing and I don't think there will be undue concern from pilots."
Later Sunday, Lancaster was said to have had an emotional reunion with his wife, Margaret, at the hospital. His son, Simon, who described his father as "flying mad," said he was "sitting up and already handing out the orders."
Speaking at the family home in East Hanney, Oxfordshire, Simon, 16, said: "There is no way that this accident will put him off flying. He is one of those people who will put a brave face on anything."
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
THE PAST, IMPERFECT Accurately predicting the future is not an easy thing to do, as anyone who tries it quickly learns. History is filled with bold forecasts that didn't quite pan out. Herewith a few examples gleaned from collections on the World Wide Web: "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." —WESTERN UNION internal memo, 1876 "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." —LORD KELVIN, president, Royal Society, 1895 "Everything that can be invented has been invented." —CHARLES H. DWELL, commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899 "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." —MARSHAL FERDINAND FOCH, professor of strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre "Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." —NEW YORK TIMES editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work. 1921 "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" —DAVID SARNOFF'S associates, in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" —HARRY M. WARNER, Warner Bros., 1927 "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." —THOMAS WATSON, chairman of IBM, 1943 "There is no reason for any individuals to have a computer in their home." —KEN OLSEN, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977