A list of oxymorons:

 Act naturally
 Found missing
 Resident alien
 Advanced BASIC
 Genuine imitation
 Cafeteria Food
 Good grief
 Same difference
 Almost exactly
 Government organization
 Sanitary landfill
 Alone together
 Legally drunk
 Silent scream
 British fashion
 Living dead
 Small crowd
 Business ethics
 Soft rock
 Butt head
 Military intelligence
 Software documentation
 San Fransisco Man
 Jumbo Shrimp
 Refrigerator Defroster
 California culture
 New classic
 Sweet sorrow
 Childproof
 Temporary tax increase
 Computer jock
 Plastic glasses
 Terribly pleased
 Computer security
 Political science
 Tight slacks
 Pretty ugly
 And my favorite of the bunch: Microsoft Works!


In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new
elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:

Limbaughium  Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass.
Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all
elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons;
attracts only morons.

Billclintium  Bc
With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a
series of interesting changes when in hot water.

Canadium  Eh
Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often
called Boron.

Innofensium  Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,
quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.

Newtium  Ng
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not
possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.

Quaylium  Vp
Einsteinium it ain't.

Budweisium  Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.

Cabmium  Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in
motion and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter
what you do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is
variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for
calculating it.

Politicium  Po
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach
lethal concentrations in the House.

Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.

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