British CRM HelicoptersNavyMaintenance

I Want To Be A Pilot

I WANT TO BE A PILOT

When I grow up I want to be a PILOT because 
it's a fun job and easy to do.  That's why there 
are so many PILOTS flying around these days.  
PILOTS don't need much school, they just have to 
learn to read numbers so they can read 
instruments.  I guess they should be able to 
read road maps too, so they can find their way 
home if they get lost.

PILOTS should be brave so they won't get 
scared if it's foggy and they can't see, or if a 
wing or motor falls off they should stay calm so 
they'll know what to do.  PILOTS have to have 
good eyes to see through clouds and they can't 
be afraid of lightning or thunder because they 
are much closer to them than we are.

The salary PILOTS make is another thing I 
like.  They make more money than they know what 
to do with.  This is because most people think 
that PLANE flying is dangerous, except PILOTS 
don't because they know how easy it is.

I hope I don't get airsick because I get 
carsick and if I get airsick I couldn't be a 
PILOT and then would have to go to work.

			An 11 year old

CRM -- British style

Subject:: IMPROVED COCKPIT PROCEDURES

A recent update to the British Airways Flight Operations Manual contains some food for thought.

Subject: Pilot Role Reversal During PICUS

There seems to be some confusion over the new pilot role titles. This notice hopefully will clear up any misunderstandings.

The titles P1, P2, and copilot will now cease to have any meaning within the BA operations manuals.They are to be replaced by the terms Handling Pilot, Non-Handling Pilot, Handling Landing Pilot, Non-Handling Landing Pilot, Handling Non-Landing Pilot, and Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot.

The Landing Pilot is initially the Handling Pilot and will handle the takeoff and landing except in role reversal when he/she is the Non-Handling Pilot for taxi until the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Landing Pilot at 80 knots.

The Non-Landing (Non-Handling, since the Landing Pilot is handling) Pilot reads the checklists to the Handling Landing Pilot until the Before Descent checklist completion when the Handling Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot who then becomes the Handling Non-Landing Pilot.

The Landing Pilot is the Non-Handling Pilot until the Decision Altitude call, when the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Pilot, unless the latter calls "Go Around", in which case the Handling Non-Landing Pilot continues handling and the Non-Handling Landing Pilot continues Non-Handling until the next call of Land or Go Around, as appropriate.

In view of confusion over these roles it was deemed necessary to restate them clearly.

Helicopter Pilots

Harry Reasoner Commentary February 16, 1971

The thing is, helicopters are different from airplanes.

An airplane by its nature wants to fly, and if not interfered with too strongly by unusual events or by a deliberately incompetent pilot, it will fly.

A helicopter does not want to fly.

It is maintained in the air by a variety of forces and controls working in opposition to each other, and if there is any disturbance in this delicate balance, the helicopter stops flying, immediately and disastrously.

There is no such thing as a gliding helicopter.

This is why being a helicopter pilot is so different from being an airplane pilot, and why, in generality, airplane pilots are open, clear-eyed, buoyant extroverts

- and -

helicopter pilots are brooders, introspective anticipators of trouble.

They know if something bad has not happened it is about to.

That's our Navy: 400 years of tradition, unbroken by progress...

.... Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations.

#1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

#1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

#2: This is Seaman 2C of the US Coast Guard. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

#1. THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

#2. This is a lighthouse. Your call.

-- Michael Rothschild

The Far Side of Maintenance

You'd think that aircraft maintenance logs would make for pretty dull reading. Not always. These are maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews:

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Left inside main tire almost replaced."

Problem: "Test flight okay, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm decent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "After brief search, engine found on right wing."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs ordered."