QUOTATIONS...

Aahz' Law: "The best way to get information on Usenet is not to ask a question, but to post the wrong information."

TANSTAFL: There Ain't No Such Thing As a Free Lawyer.

If you can't bedazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS

A fanatic is a man who, when he's lost sight of his purpose, redoubles his efforts ...Poul Anderson

"The objection to Puritans is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think." H. L. Mencken

It is easier to obtain forgivenness than to get permission. ...Adm. Grace Hopper

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. ...Abraham Lincoln

Democracy: The worst system of government devised by the wit of man, except for all the others. ...Winston Churchill

a penny saved is a Congressional oversight

Politicians are like diapers; they need to be changed often and for pretty much the same reasons.

Politics. From the greek "poly", meaning many, and ticks, a small, annoying bloodsucker.

Reagan's leading economic indicator was the well-being of people who count.

CIA - Christians In Action; NSA - No Such Agency

In the Land of the Blind the one-eyed man is king...until they find out he can see. Then they kill him.

You might very well think that. But of course, I couldn't possibly comment.

[T]he only bird that can talk is the parrot, and he can't fly very well". ...Neil Armstrong

The plural of anecdote is not data.

Real geologists don't eat quiche.
They don't even know what it is.
Real geologists like raw meat, bear, and tonsil killer chili.

Will Betray Country for Food

Backpacker: meals on heels.

Youth and talent are no match for age and treachery.

Thanks again to Rush and others for helping the less capable members of our society form opinions with bad data.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror, like his passengers.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. ....Douglas Adams

There is a theory which states that if anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced with something even more bizarrely inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened. ....D. Adams

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All these memories will be lost in time, like tears in rain." -- Roy Baty

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do!

Illegitimis non carborundum

To err is human.
To really foul thing up requires a computer.

Oscar Wilde on foxhunting:
The unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible.

Melchior the Hindu, Caspar the Greek, Balthazar the Egyptian

The Seven Deadly Sins:
Superbia (pride), Avaritia (avarice), Gula (gluttony), Luxuria (lust), Acedia (sloth), Invidia (envy), Ira (anger).

NIL DESPERANDUM

AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again...who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the least knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while doing greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

T. Roosevelt

Yours is the profession of arms, the will to win, the sure knowledge that in war there is no substitute for victory, that if you lose, the nation will be destroyed, that the very obsession of your public service must be duty, honor, country.

General Douglas MacArthur

The objective of all members of this command should be to analyze all situations, anticipate problems prior to their occurrence, have answers for those problems, and move swiftly to solve those problems when called upon...

HOWEVER

When you are up to your ass in alligators it's difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp!

"...enlisted men are stupid, but extremely cunning and sly, and bear considerable watching."

Army Officer's Guide ca 1874

and the end of the fight
is a tombstone white
With the name of the late deceased
and the epitaph drear:
A fool lies here
Who tried to hustle the East.

Kipling "Epitaph" mod. Emerson

But man forgets. Bread and ease and security are the tawdry prizes offered for his freedom as a man, and, without fail, throughout the history of the ages, he will accept those prizes."

Caldwell "Great Lion of God"

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Ben Franklin, ~1784

And how can a man die better
Than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers
And the temples of his gods

Kameradenlied

Ich hat' einen Kameraden
Einen besseren findst Du nicht!
Die Trommel schlug zum Streite
Er ging an meiner Seite
Im gleichen Schritt und Tritt
Im gleichen Schritt und Tritt.

Eine Kugel kam geflogen
Gilt sie mir oder gilt sie Dir
Ihn hat es weggerissen
Er liegt mir vor den Fuessen
Als waer's ein Stueck von mir
Als waer's ein Stueck von mir

Will Dir die Hand noch reichen
Derweil ich eben lad
Kann Dir die Hand nicht geben
Bleib Du im ewigen Leben
Mein guter Kamerad
Mein guter Kamerad.

The creation of the world took place at 0900 on 23 Oct 4004 BC. (Bishop James Usher)
( 0900 on 26 Oct 4004 BC according to Discovery Channel)
Julian Dates begin at noon on 1 Jan 4713 BC.
The first Olympics were held in 776 BC at Olympia in Elis and were repeated every 5 years (Bulfinch p 128)

Go, stranger, and tell the Lacaedemonians that we lie here in obedience to their laws.

"Go, stranger, and to Lacedaemon tell
That here, obeying her behests, we fell."

"Here did four thousand men from Pelops' land
Against three hundred myriads bravely stand."

Inscriptions at the pass in the time of Herodotus. Herodotus (Book VII, Ch. 228)

                                in Heaven:      in Hell:

the police are:                  Italian        German

the organization is run by the:  British        Italians

the mechanics are:               German         French

the cooks are:                   French         British     

Bulfinch:

Hic situs est Phaeton, currus auriga paterni, Quem si non tenuit, magnis tamen excidit ausis. --

Ovid -- Here lies Phaeton, the driver of his father's chariot, which if he failed to manage, yet he fell in a great undertaking.

Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes.

Vergil -- I fear the Greeks even when they offer gifts.

Non tali auxilio nec defensoribus istis Tempus eget.

Vergil -- Not such aid nor such defenders does the time require.

Incidit in Scyllam, cupiens vitare Charybdim.

He runs on Scylla, wishing to avoid Charybdis.

Tantaene animis coelestibus irae?

Vergil -- In heavenly minds can such resentments dwell?

Haud ignara mali, miseris succurrere disco.

Vergil -- Not unacquainted with distress, I have learned to succor the unfortunate.

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito.

Vergil -- Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely.

Sternitur infelix alieno vulnere, coelumque Adspicit et moriens dulces reminiseitur Argos.

Vergil -- He falls, unhappy, by a wound intended for another; looks up to the skies, and dying remembers sweet Argos.

Vae victis! "Woe betide the vanquished"

Atl World 77

Trahit sua quemque voluptas.

Each to his own bent. Mem. Hadrian 133

Hic jacet Arthurus, Rex quondam, Rexque futurus.

Here Arthur lies, King once and King to be. (The Once and Future King)

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes? (Who shall guard the guardians?)

Juvenal (Decimus Junius Juvenalis) satire 6; Gunther 11 Ed 1487

STRESS - The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately needs it.

Robert Oppenheimer at Trinity - I am reminded of the passage in the Hindu Scripture, the Bhagavad Gita, where Vishnu is trying to convince the prince to do his duty and assumes his many-armed form and says "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of Worlds"

We do not believe any group of men adequate enough or wise enough to operate without scrutiny or without criticism. We know that the only way to avoid error is to detect it, that the only way to detect it is to be free to inquire. We know that in secrecy error undetected will flourish and subvert.

J. Robert Oppenheimer

We have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism. They have formed their own 4-H club -- the Hopeless, Hysterical Hypochondriacs of History. These men are hard up for hard times. They can only make hay when the sun does NOT shine.

Spiro Agnew

If you can keep your head when all those about you are losing theirs, perhaps you don't understand the situation...

Here lies Jack Williams.
He done his damndest.
What else can a fellow do?

Harry S Truman, referring to tombstone on boot hill in Tombstone, Arizona

Sun Tzu (Taiko 369, 381)

``Fu''(wind), ``Rin''(forest), ``Ka''(fire), ``Zan''(mountain).
Takeda Shingen

Fast as the wind,
Quiet as a forest
Ardent as fire,
Still as a mountain

To think that a man
Has but fifty years to live under heaven.
Surely this world
Seems but a vain dream....

Oda Nobunaga: If a bird doesn't sing, kill it!
Toyotomi Hideyoshi: If a bird doesn't sing, I'll make it sing!
Tokugawa Ieyasu: If a bird doesn't sing, I'll wait for it to sing.
Nobunaga

The real danger of the computer age is not that computers will think like people, but that people will think like computers.

Frank Romano, U.S. publisher (MS Access 156)

In Germany the Nazis came first for the Communists; and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak for me.

Pastor Martin Niemoller; quoted in Gore's Earth in the Balance 285

Treason doth never prosper: what's the reason? For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.

Sir John Harrington The Gripping Hand 55

Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the government's purposes are beneficient. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.

Justice Louis D. Brandeis

LI

The Moving Finger writes;
and, having writ, Moves on:
nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.

XXIII

Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,
Before we too into the Dust descend;
Dust into Dust, and under Dust, to lie,
Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer, and
--sans End!

XXIV

Alike for those who for To-day prepare,
And those that after a To-morrow stare,
A Muezzin from the Tower of Darkness cries
"Fools! you Reward is neither Here nor There!"

XXVII

Myself when young did eagerly frequent
Doctor and Saint, and heard great Argument
About it and about; but evermore
Came out by the same Door as in I went.

A Book of verses underneath the Bough
A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread--and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness--
Oh, Wilderness were Paradise enow! 843

Some for the glories of This World; and some
Sigh for the Prophet's Paradise to come;
Ah, take the Cash, and let the Credit go.
Nor heed the rumble of a distant Drum!

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RULES TO FLY BY -- Len Morgan

EVERY ACTIVITY generates its own laws, adages, axioms, theories, principles and observations. Listed here are some overheard in my (airline) corner of the picture. Whether any can be called a Great Truth depends on where you sit.

An airline pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying and about airplanes when he's with a woman.

A captain is two flight engineers sewn together.

A comment about how well things are going is a sure guarantee of trouble.

Clocks lie; a twelve-hour layover passes more quickly than a six-hour trip.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it; if it ain't fixed, don't fly it.

Crime wouldn't pay if the FAA ran it and would lose money if management took over.

Winds aloft are of the most use to historians.

Anyone who depends on a forecast can be sold the Brooklyn Bridge.

A greaser is 50 percent luck; two in a row are all luck; three in a row and someone's lying.

The more traffic at a terminal the better it's handled.

The friendliest flight attendants are those on the trip back home.

The longer the trip, the greater the odds of having an inoperative autopilot.

There are four ways to fly: the right way, the wrong way, the company way and the captain's way. Only one counts.

Arguing with a captain is like arguing with a radar cop.

Jokes told by flight engineers are ignored; copilot jokes draw smiles, captain jokes send copilots and flight engineers into hysterics, none of which proves who tells the funniest jokes.

A captain with little confidence in his crew usually has little in himself.

A good pilot may be disappointed by his airplane but it will never surprise him.

The sharpest captains are the easiest to work with.

The tape that supports your version is certain to be accidentally erased.

Nothing is more optimistic than a dispatcher's estimated time of departure.

The owner's manual that comes with a $500 refrigerator is better than the one you get with a $50 million airplane.

The chances of having a check rider on board decline with the destination ceiling.

If it doesn't work, rename it.

"Please see me at once" memos from the chief pilot are distributed only on Friday after office hours.

Flying skill and administrative ability are not often found in the same individual; thus the average chief pilot is either right where he belongs or he's a total misfit.

Everything in the company manual--charts, graphs, policies, FARs, warnings, the works--can be summed up to read, "Captain, it's your baby."

Most airline food tastes like chicken because most airline food is chicken.

If an earthquake opened a 10-foot runway crack that caused a landing mishap, the NTSB would blame it on pilot error.

One hole in the clouds is worth 10 published approaches.

A thunderstorm is rarely as bad as it looks from the outside; it's usually worse.

When talking about yesterday, a weatherman is a scientist; when talking about tomorrow, he's reading tea leaves.

A good simulator performance is like a successful appendectomy on a cadaver.

A ground school instructor understands flying in the way an astronomer understands the stars.

The level at which chop will be encountered can easily be determined by using the formula: assigned cruising altitude minus 500 feet.

There's only one thing worse than a captain who never flew as a copilot, and that's a copilot who once flew as a captain.

A copilot is an idiot until he spots traffic a 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.

Any pilot who does not privately consider himself to be the best in the business is in the wrong business. Every ground school class includes one idiot who, at 4:55, ask a question requiring a 20-minute answer.

Were airline philosophy tried in the entertainment industry, Baldwin would give Joe "Fingers" Carr piano lessons. If he ventured his own interpretation of the Tiger Rag he would be fined.

The only human more pitiful than the captain who can't make up his mind is the copilot who has to fly with him.

Federal Aviation Regulations are either written by the most brilliant lawyers in Washington--or the most stupid.

Accepted checklist philosophy requires that pilots read to each other the things that they do every day and recite from memory the things they do once every five years.

If it's lousy here, it's probably clear where you're going.

Any attempt to stretch fuel will coincide with an increase in headwind.

A crew scheduler is the sort who wakes his wife at midnight and tells her to take out the garbage.

Anyone can fly trips, but it takes a genius to bid trips.

Tell strangers you work for another line and they'll tell you how much better yours is.

Jet and recip engines operate on the same principle: suck and squeeze, blow and go.

The louder a copilot gripes about his skippers, the more likely it is that he will become an insufferable captain himself.

The pilot who acts as banker when settling the tab for a crew dinner will come out six dollars short--and be expected to leave the tip.

The most nerve-wracking of airline duties: the flight engineer's job on a proving run flown by two chief pilots.

It is usually easier to cope with one major inflight problem than a series of minor ones. Real trouble usually comes in small doses.

The hotter the layover date, the greater the chances of arriving four hours late.

A good captain and copilot go hand in hand. (But not through the terminal building.)

How can you buy or sell the sky? The land? The idea is strange to us. If we do not own the freshness of the air and the sparkle of the water, how can you buy them? Every part of this earth is sacred to my people. Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every meadow, every humming insect. All are holy in the memory and experience of my people ...

If we sell you our land, remember that the air is precious to us, that the air shares its spirit with all the life it suppports. The wind that gave our grandfather his first breath also received his last sigh. The wind also gives our children the spirit of life. So if we sell you our land, you must keep it apart and sacred, a place where man can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by meadow flowers.

Will you teach your children what we have taught our children? That the earth is our mother? What befalls the earth befalls all the sons of the earth. This we know: the earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself. One thing we know: Our God is also your God. The earth is precious to Him and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator.

Chief Seattle to Franklin Pierce, quoted in Gore's Earth in the Balance 259

                GUIDE FOR CAREER EVALUATORS

                (From the Fort Lewis Ranger)


Raters, endorsers, and reviewers are working off a new chart these days. The
beauty is that it's equally helpful as a guide to figuring OER's, EER's, and
civilian employee appraisal forms.  These are all descriptive ratings, so 
you'll have to use your own judgement to translate them into numerical scores.

                            PERFORMANCE FACTORS

            QUALITY      TIMELINESS   INITIATIVE   ADAPTABILITY COMMUNICATION
            
OUTSTANDING Leaps tall   Is faster    Is stronger  Walks on     Talks with
            buildings    than a       than a       water        God
            with a       speeding     locomotive
            single bound bullet       

ABOVE       Must take    Is fast as a Is stronger  Walks on     Talks with
AVERAGE     running      speeding     than a bull  water only   St. Peter
            start to     bullet       elephant     in
            leap tall                              emergencies
            buildings

AVERAGE     Can only     Would you    Is stronger  Smart enough Talks to
            leap over a  believe a    than a bull  to duck in   himself
            short buil-  slow bullet?              and out of
            ding with no                           the rain
            spires

MARGINAL    Crashes into Is all       Shoots the   Walks like   Argues with
            buildings    barrel, no   bull         a duck       himself
            when trying  bullet
            to jump over 
            them

UNSATIS-    Cannot re-   While at-    Smells like  Passes water Loses those
FACTORY     cognize      tempting to  a bull       in           arguments
            buildings at fire bullet,              emergencies  with
            all, much    shoots self                            himself
            less jump    in foot
            over them

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't - be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Subject: IMPROVED COCKPIT PROCEDURES

A recent update to the British Airways Flight Operations
Manual contains some food for thought.

Subject: Pilot Role Reversal During PICUS

There seems to be some confusion over the new pilot role
titles. This notice hopefully will clear up any
misunderstandings.

The titles P1, P2, and copilot will now cease to have any
meaning within the BA operations manuals.They are to be
replaced by the terms Handling Pilot, Non-Handling Pilot,
Handling Landing Pilot, Non-Handling Landing Pilot, Handling 
Non-Landing Pilot, and Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot.

The Landing Pilot is initially the Handling Pilot and will
handle the takeoff and landing except in role reversal when 
he/she is the Non-Handling Pilot for taxi until the 
Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Landing 
Pilot at 80 knots.

The Non-Landing (Non-Handling, since the Landing Pilot is
handling) Pilot reads the checklists to the Handling
Landing Pilot until the Before Descent checklist completion 
when the Handling Landing Pilot hands the handling to the
Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot who then becomes the Handling 
Non-Landing Pilot.

The Landing Pilot is the Non-Handling Pilot until the
Decision Altitude call, when the Handling Non-Landing Pilot 
hands the handling to the Non-Handling Pilot, unless the
latter calls "Go Around", in which case the Handling
Non-Landing Pilot continues handling and the Non-Handling
Landing Pilot continues Non-Handling until the next call of 
Land or Go Around, as appropriate.

In view of confusion over these roles it was deemed
necessary to restate them clearly.